Mystical Murmurs: My Interfaith Life

Well, the Baby came safely again, as He does every year. Walking to my car after Midnight Mass, I looked at the stars and was overcome by a feeling of peace. Arriving back home, I sat up reading for awhile, reveling in the darkness and solitude (and, I must admit, waiting for the kids to turn up from their evening activities, none of which, I assure you, included church in any form!). This feeling persisted all through Christmas Day. We had a smallish Christmas this year -- a couple small gifts for each person to open, but mainly gift cards for the adult children. I thought this scaled-down gift-giving would occasion cries of protest, but the kids seem to appreciate that we can no longer predict their taste in anything, and that they will encounter huge sales on the day after Christmas. I particularly emphasized the huge sales aspect. Working in academia means that, most years, I am off work between Christmas and New Year's Day. Yesterday and today, I have been capable of nothing ...

Our service of Lessons and Carols took place last night at church -- a lovely event, even though it is unseasonably warm here, and I had perspiration running down between my shoulder blades as I was singing! Not very Christmassy. The firewood rack on my porch is completely filled, but we have not really had cold enough weather to suggest a fire. I feel really silly having a fire with all the windows open! And so we creak along into the last week of Advent. All my women friends are practically dead on their feet. I accomplished nothing this weekend. Friday was the eleventh anniversary of my mother's death, which I tend to brood about more than I should after eleven years. And so this week I will have to make up for lost time. Is it January yet?

We're having unseasonably warm weather here in the East, and it does detract a bit from the season. Who feels like baking when it's 60 degrees and the windows are open? I don't feel much like baking under even the best of conditions ... I'm doing a duet ("Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring") on Sunday with one of our sopranos, and my poor piano is so out of tune that I have had trouble plunking it out. One New Year's resolution will be to get the poor thing tuned. At least that's easier than losing weight! Presents: bought but not wrapped. I cut back considerably from previous years. Gift cards are just fine, especially for adult children. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I actually got half a llama one Christmas, through the Heifer Project, and I loved knowing that what would have been a present was used to help someone in need -- but I doubt that the kids would really appreciate a flock of chickens, or a cow. I would never hear the end of it. Bu...

We finished trimming the Christmas tree last night. The "theme" this year is red and gold (Why? I don't like warm colors, generally). The boxes of decorations are restowed in the basement. But I still don't have any Christmas spirit. I have been known to say that I would love to sleep from the day after Thanksgiving until January 2! Hustle and bustle just wear me out. I went by our local mall last weekend, just to "put my toe in the water," saw that the parking lot was completely full, and decided to buy everything online. I hate crowds! I wonder ... Would Jesus recognize the fact that we are celebrating His birthday? As we wallow in consumerism, do we just postpone Him for consideration only in the Midnight Mass? Reading an Advent book helps to keep me focused. But, at the bottom, it's largely emptiness that I feel in Advent. But I suppose our emptiness is why He came, isn't it?

Well, we had Thanksgiving. The turkey is gone now, having provided a lot of nice sandwiches. The plastic container of leftover stuffing has been nibbled away to nothing. Before our daughter went back to college this afternoon, I bribed her to put together the Christmas tree (a job I hate but she enjoys, and I won't see her again till after her finals). So now in our living room, we are celebrating "Christoween": on the mantel are small pumpkins and gourds, and next to them the naked Christmas tree. Oh well. Things in our house never happen in a tidy fashion. And so Advent is about to begin. Time rushes by so quickly at this time of year that it is no wonder our lives become disordered. And yet -- of course I never felt this when I was young -- is there not a profound stillness at the heart of Advent, almost as though the world is holding its breath? Can we pause to feel this stillness of expectation, or will we miss it again this year? Andre Louf, writing in The Cistercia...

Every year I have a tendency to forget (until abruptly reminded) that fall and spring here can be windy and rainy. Saturday was lovely, but yesterday and today we have had a drenching rain and wind. It's warmish, but the rain just chills you anyway. And of course the rain and general gloom are exacerbated by the fact that it's Monday. Life is full, too full. By the time I get to Sunday night, I feel as though I have run a marathon. Last night I was beyond tired, and I still have no clean clothes. I wonder how many others feel this way? Why are we living like this? What happened to the 4-day work week that the pundits promised us, back in the 60s or 70s? Perhaps now it is time for my diatribe on modern life, and my unfavorable comparison of my life with my mother's. My mother was the person I didn't want to grow up to be. I felt particular horror at the idea of becoming a homemaker. So I worked like mad, getting two master's degrees, and letting a kindly day-care p...

Fr. Hugh Feiss, O.S.B., writing in Essential Monastic Wisdom , has this to say about the appeal of the study, den, or monastic cell: "It is one thing to love one's room because one is so stressed out by work, crowds, talking, rushing from one appointment to the next, answering phone messages, that one's room is a place where one can collapse in peace. It is another thing to find somewhere a place of silence and creativity, where one can listen for the voice of God and think one's own thoughts and be one's own self." Hmmm ... This made me think. I do have a room, up at the top of my house, where I go to read, think, and pray. It's pretty comfortable, probably too comfortable. In addition to my desk and laptop computer, there's a wall of built-in bookshelves (rapidly getting full), a comfy chair with an ottoman, good reading lights, and a window to lo...